College again, maybe for the last time
Jun. 5th, 2004 05:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sinanjuI occasionally have anxiety dreams. These almost always involve finding myself back in college. In these dreams I am usually either trying to find my classes while lacking a schedule or a map, or I'm realizing that I've somehow neglected to attend a class--usually through forgetting about it rather than deliberate skipping--and that I have no chance of passing.
I had one of these dreams last night. Except that it concerned returning to college for a new year, presumably after summer break. I was wandering around a dormitory building that was crowded and claustrophobically small (as in, you could hold your arms out to your sides and touch both walls of a given corridor, and the rooms weren't much bigger). Despite this, the place was crowded with people and possessions.
And as I'm wandering around, it slowly dawns on me that I have no idea where my room is located, though I've (somehow) moved all my stuff into the room already. (Dream logic--feh.) Eventually, while I'm wandering around, I stumble across an information table. Two people sitting at a folding trestle table with big filing boxes full of cards and papers. Ah ha! I can ask them where I'm supposed to be.
But as I'm standing there watching them, thoughts begin to cross my mind. Thoughts like: Why am I here? I earned my B.A. many years ago (back in the real world). I'm not working toward a Masters or a Doctorate or anything else. I'm just continuing to attend because...why, again? And--who's paying for this? I'm not. And I'm certain my parents wouldn't be happy to pay pointless tuition bills, especially since I'm a grown man and living on my own and supporting myself, and I'd be hearing about it if that were the case. So they're not paying either.
And it occurred to me that this was one of my anxiety dreams playing out again. Which meant that I was dreaming, and aware that I was dreaming. Then I woke up. It makes me wonder what that was about. Was it my conscious mind throwing the curtain aside to reveal my subconscious turning wheels and pulling levers, saying, "The jig's up old man--I'm onto your threadbare analogy!" Is my subconscious even now grumbling and griping as it strikes the sets and starts plotting anew?
Time will tell.
I had one of these dreams last night. Except that it concerned returning to college for a new year, presumably after summer break. I was wandering around a dormitory building that was crowded and claustrophobically small (as in, you could hold your arms out to your sides and touch both walls of a given corridor, and the rooms weren't much bigger). Despite this, the place was crowded with people and possessions.
And as I'm wandering around, it slowly dawns on me that I have no idea where my room is located, though I've (somehow) moved all my stuff into the room already. (Dream logic--feh.) Eventually, while I'm wandering around, I stumble across an information table. Two people sitting at a folding trestle table with big filing boxes full of cards and papers. Ah ha! I can ask them where I'm supposed to be.
But as I'm standing there watching them, thoughts begin to cross my mind. Thoughts like: Why am I here? I earned my B.A. many years ago (back in the real world). I'm not working toward a Masters or a Doctorate or anything else. I'm just continuing to attend because...why, again? And--who's paying for this? I'm not. And I'm certain my parents wouldn't be happy to pay pointless tuition bills, especially since I'm a grown man and living on my own and supporting myself, and I'd be hearing about it if that were the case. So they're not paying either.
And it occurred to me that this was one of my anxiety dreams playing out again. Which meant that I was dreaming, and aware that I was dreaming. Then I woke up. It makes me wonder what that was about. Was it my conscious mind throwing the curtain aside to reveal my subconscious turning wheels and pulling levers, saying, "The jig's up old man--I'm onto your threadbare analogy!" Is my subconscious even now grumbling and griping as it strikes the sets and starts plotting anew?
Time will tell.
