An Open Letter to Cthulhu
Mar. 7th, 2008 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sinanjuOh Mighty Old One,
It is with a heavy heart that I write to you. I wish that I could spare you this (and spare myself the wrath that I am sure will follow), but in good conscience I simply cannot remain silent any longer. It would do me no credit and do you no good to continue to pretend to believe when I no longer do. The Truth is the truth, and the truth, it is said, will set you free--something I know you've aspired to for ages. For far longer, in fact, than you've aspired to be President.
And so we come to the crux of the matter. It's time to give up your Presidential aspirations. I urge you to quickly and publicly renounce any interest in the 2008 Presidential campaign--or any future campaigns.
I know, when you first threw your hat into the ring it seemed like such a terrific idea. Inspired, even. Your campaign slogan--"Why choose the lesser of two evils?"--was brilliant. It seemed inevitable that mankind, or at least Americans, would see the folly of their ways and vote you into office. We could skip the middleman and get right to global genocide.
And yet. And yet.
I can no longer remember when you first announced your candidacy. I still see bumper stickers supporting your campaign. I still see graphics on the internet as well, and references to your campaign--your slogan--in conversations in media of all kinds. But while your campaign slogan has clearly caught on with the public, it has failed to inspire them or to motivate them in any substantial way.
Quite the contrary, in fact. Your campaign has become--I almost fear to say this, but I must--your campaign has become something of a joke. You are dangerously close to becoming a perrennial Presidential loser, a lovable but ultimately foolish butt of jokes like Pat Paulsen or Ralph Nader. (Paulsen, to his credit, at least intended to be seen that way.) That is not what you want.
Some damage has already been done. There are humans even now who have the temerity to sell plush stuffed Cthulhu figures! They're mocking your awful majesty and profiting from it at the same time! I don't doubt that they will all suffer unspeakable tortures eventually, but...it's unseemly. And unnecessary. But your repeated and unsuccessful runs for the Presidency have contributed to a diminishing of mankind's proper awe and respect for you.
Please--drop out of the race. Devote your time and attention to rebuilding the aura of mystery, menace and terror that was once yours and, with time, can be again.
Your humble and obedient servant
It is with a heavy heart that I write to you. I wish that I could spare you this (and spare myself the wrath that I am sure will follow), but in good conscience I simply cannot remain silent any longer. It would do me no credit and do you no good to continue to pretend to believe when I no longer do. The Truth is the truth, and the truth, it is said, will set you free--something I know you've aspired to for ages. For far longer, in fact, than you've aspired to be President.
And so we come to the crux of the matter. It's time to give up your Presidential aspirations. I urge you to quickly and publicly renounce any interest in the 2008 Presidential campaign--or any future campaigns.
I know, when you first threw your hat into the ring it seemed like such a terrific idea. Inspired, even. Your campaign slogan--"Why choose the lesser of two evils?"--was brilliant. It seemed inevitable that mankind, or at least Americans, would see the folly of their ways and vote you into office. We could skip the middleman and get right to global genocide.
And yet. And yet.
I can no longer remember when you first announced your candidacy. I still see bumper stickers supporting your campaign. I still see graphics on the internet as well, and references to your campaign--your slogan--in conversations in media of all kinds. But while your campaign slogan has clearly caught on with the public, it has failed to inspire them or to motivate them in any substantial way.
Quite the contrary, in fact. Your campaign has become--I almost fear to say this, but I must--your campaign has become something of a joke. You are dangerously close to becoming a perrennial Presidential loser, a lovable but ultimately foolish butt of jokes like Pat Paulsen or Ralph Nader. (Paulsen, to his credit, at least intended to be seen that way.) That is not what you want.
Some damage has already been done. There are humans even now who have the temerity to sell plush stuffed Cthulhu figures! They're mocking your awful majesty and profiting from it at the same time! I don't doubt that they will all suffer unspeakable tortures eventually, but...it's unseemly. And unnecessary. But your repeated and unsuccessful runs for the Presidency have contributed to a diminishing of mankind's proper awe and respect for you.
Please--drop out of the race. Devote your time and attention to rebuilding the aura of mystery, menace and terror that was once yours and, with time, can be again.
Your humble and obedient servant
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-15 07:00 pm (UTC)