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sinanjuThey're not just physical. They can be mental and emotional. Sometimes I think that emotional scars can be worse. At the very least, physical scars are visible--people who see you struggling with the after effects of a physical trauma will understand that you're, well, scarred. There's some evidence that you may have limitations that unscarred individuals don't have.
I love my lovely and talented wife greatly, and admire her immensely. She survived a terrible childhood of neglect, abuse and poverty. She triumphed over it, in fact. By virtue of her native intelligence and years--a lifetime, really--of hard work, she's overcome her childhood. She avoided falling prey to the same failures that ensnared her family. She raised two children to be intelligent, decent human beings despite having to do so under the immense handicap of having no good role models for parenting, in spite of having a couple really bad roles models, in fact.
She's become a successful homeowner and contributing member of society, with a long-term job she enjoys and employers and co-workers who value her efforts. And, if I do say so myself, a husband who admires and loves her greatly. But it didn't come easily. None of it. She had to claw her way out of a very deep hole just to get the starting line in life.
But there are scars. And sometimes, as scars, do, they bother her. She often feels lonely. Part of it is that she's experienced things that few people--very few people, especially among those she knows--can really understand. It's hard to talk to people when your maps of the world are so different that even basic premises don't match up. Part of it is cutting herself off from her toxic family. Toxic they may be, but her memories aren't all bad. She grew up with family and holiday memories she cherishes. Having no family except myself and her children (when they're in town) just isn't the same, especially on holidays--even if they're not her holidays anymore.
She hurts sometimes. But it's old pain, or the scars of those painful experiences; either way, there's nothing I can do for the pain. I can try to comfort her, and try to help her deal with it, or try to think of thinks we can do in the future to deal with it. But that's not enough; she deserves better. I just wish I could give it to her.
I love my lovely and talented wife greatly, and admire her immensely. She survived a terrible childhood of neglect, abuse and poverty. She triumphed over it, in fact. By virtue of her native intelligence and years--a lifetime, really--of hard work, she's overcome her childhood. She avoided falling prey to the same failures that ensnared her family. She raised two children to be intelligent, decent human beings despite having to do so under the immense handicap of having no good role models for parenting, in spite of having a couple really bad roles models, in fact.
She's become a successful homeowner and contributing member of society, with a long-term job she enjoys and employers and co-workers who value her efforts. And, if I do say so myself, a husband who admires and loves her greatly. But it didn't come easily. None of it. She had to claw her way out of a very deep hole just to get the starting line in life.
But there are scars. And sometimes, as scars, do, they bother her. She often feels lonely. Part of it is that she's experienced things that few people--very few people, especially among those she knows--can really understand. It's hard to talk to people when your maps of the world are so different that even basic premises don't match up. Part of it is cutting herself off from her toxic family. Toxic they may be, but her memories aren't all bad. She grew up with family and holiday memories she cherishes. Having no family except myself and her children (when they're in town) just isn't the same, especially on holidays--even if they're not her holidays anymore.
She hurts sometimes. But it's old pain, or the scars of those painful experiences; either way, there's nothing I can do for the pain. I can try to comfort her, and try to help her deal with it, or try to think of thinks we can do in the future to deal with it. But that's not enough; she deserves better. I just wish I could give it to her.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-26 07:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-27 03:55 pm (UTC)