sinanju | Happy Birthday To Me!

Yes, it's my birthday. Once when I was but a wee lad, I lay in bed one night with my head full of images of flying cars and jetpacks and all the other wonders of the unimaginably distant 21st Century, about which I'd just seen a special on television. It occurred to me to wonder how old I'd be in that magical year of 2000. I calculated my age and realized that in the year 2000 I'd be FORTY-ONE! My god, I'd be an old man!

Well, here it is seven years later and I'll never see 40 again. I don't feel old. I suspect that when I really AM old, I won't feel old. I'll still be a kid trapped in the body of an old man. But that's still a long way off--and on the bright side, in less than 20 years I'll be no longer need a fake ID to rent ULTRA-PORN!. In the mean time, allow me to regale you with my favorite birthday song.

Sung to the Tune of "The Volga Boatmen"

This song is NOT copyrighted. It is Public Domain. It is quite common in the Dark Horde (SCA) and has been for some twenty or so years. These are the common Dark Horde verses.

Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)
Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)

May the candles on your cake
burn like cities in your wake

Burn the Castle and storm the keep
Kill the Women but SAVE THE SHEEP!

May your deeds with sheep and yaks
equal those with sword and axe

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you

They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse

so you're 29 again
don't tell lies to your good friend

So another year has passed
don't look now they're gaining fast!

Black Death has just struck your town
you yourself feel quite run-down

We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!

So far death you have bypassed
Don't look back it's gaining fast

I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me

Burn, then rape by firelight
Add -romance- to life tonight!

Birthdays come but once a year,
Marking time as Death draws near

Now you've lived another year,
And your death is drawing near.

Raise your cup of bitter cheer,
Make the barman eat his ear

Fear and gloom and darkness but
no one found out YOU KNOW WHAT

You're a period cook, its true
ask the beetles in the stew

Now your jail-bait days are done
let's go out and have some fun!

You must marry very soon
baby's due the next full moon

Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues

Tho you're turning 29
age to you is like fine wine

Now you've lived another year
age to you is like stale beer

Long ago your hair turned grey
now it's falling out, they say

It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year

See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace

Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et

This one lesson you must learn
FIRST you pillage, THEN you burn

While you eat your birthday stew
We will sack a town for you

Death will come before the dawn
Now's the time to party on!

People starving on the earth,
Go ahead, eat your dessert,

Rape the horses while they sleep,
See the women wail and weep